There’s something to be said for looking backwards.

I know, there is no yesterday and no tomorrow, there is only today. But if we don’t take the time to review where we’ve been, it’s easy to forget the mistakes we’ve made. And also it’s easy to overlook the accomplishments. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned recently.

1. My reaction to things is not always logical. Having survived some significant traumas, I have a lot of emotions that may not have been uncovered yet. I’m working on them, but when something goes askew in the present, it often reopens an old wound without me even knowing it. I’m learning to recognize this, and trying to make sure that others involved understand it as much as they can.

2. My biggest financial weakness right now is food. I’m doing a terrible job at grocery shopping and cooking at home. I need to master this, or I’m not going to reach my financial goals. We need a massive realignment for everyone in the house, but I’m not exactly sure how to do that yet. But at least I realize this is something I need to work on.

3. I created an “inspiration” list on Twitter, to contain some of my favorite inspirational accounts into one location so I don’t miss anything. You can read it here if you are interested in what inspires me. It’s mostly a mix of personal growth and personal finance bloggers.

4. I was reminded that sometimes the creative process requires a simmering phase. That’s where I’m at right now with my writing, a point where I’m reading a lot, and writing just for myself, in a process that I hope will help me be more confident in writing for others as well. I have an ongoing internal struggle with own creative process. Some of it is time and logistics, wherein my studio is not at home and it’s hard to carve out the time to spend there. The rest is just me, trying to find my creative self.

5. I’ve been working on getting rid of stuff. We’ve made huge amounts of progress and I appreciate my family’s support in this process. It’s mostly up to me to decide what stays and goes, but the help in actually getting things out of the house has been awesome. If I don’t find it useful or beautiful, it doesn’t belong here anymore. The best thing this week was getting a bunch of stuff out of the garage, so the motorcycle could come home from the shop and be ready to ride!

Those are just a few of my week’s lessons. Don’t be afraid to reflect and see what you can learn from it!

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I had a total epiphany when I typed this title. Maybe I can’t grow plants because I’m afraid to grow as a person!!! This could be symbolic of my entire existence!!

Eh. Probably not.

I take growth very seriously. But my ability to kill plants is known across the land. EXAMPLE: My stepmom came by the house this one time. Seeing a bunch of healthy houseplants she looked at me, tipped her head and said, “I’m assuming your boyfriend must take care of these?”

I had no response other than to laugh.

I love houseplants, don’t get me wrong. For years I would buy plants but they always died. I’m just not good at keeping in touch with them. There’s a few outdoor areas I have under control, including a tiny round bed of snapdragons and a row of asiatic lilies in the back that do just fine despite me.

Did you catch what I said there? THEY DO JUST FINE DESPITE ME. This doesn’t mean that I don’t do anything to help these flowers thrive, but more that these particular flowers do well with what I have to offer as a flower caregiver.

So the parallel here is this: Are you trying to grow in an area that works with WHO YOU ARE and WHAT YOU REALLY CARE ABOUT? You can try all day long to teach a non-people-person to be a social butterfly, but it’s never going to really feel right for that person.

I think we all need to spend a little more time thinking about who we are, and what we care about. Things that don’t fit shouldn’t be a high priority for us.

A little focus goes a long way.

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Yesterday, I Skype’d with BARBARA SHER. No, really.

Do you know who that is? I do. She’s an author with an amazing gift for telling it like it is. No spin, no hype, no buzzwords. Just the truth. Her “About” statement on Facebook says – It is her mission to save as many geniuses as she can before she leaves this planet. I can’t tell you how honored I felt to be on her “worth saving” list.

I’ve been reading Barbara’s books for years now. I’m not rich and famous, but I truly believe that she has been the voice of reason for me, the voice that kept me truly GROUNDED through some mighty hard times. I always felt like Barbara really “got” me. And for a woman who has always felt a little out-of-the-norm, that’s a big thing.

So when the opportunity came up to do a Dreamfinder session with her, I jumped at the chance and immediately signed up. How fortunate that I happened to catch her message right away. I signed up, and then had a wave of panic and nausea.

What had I done?

Suddenly I knew. I was going to have to tell BARBARA SHER my dreams and she was going to tell me what she thought about them!

(Is the all-caps too much? You’re supposed to hear that like a big, echoing, EPIC tone, like God himself is saying it!!)

I said to Frank, “What have I done? I’m terrified to talk to Barbara Sher! And I don’t like to talk on the phone! Eek!”

(Yes, I pretty much sound like that in real life.)

He just looked at me calmly and said, “She’s just a person. She’ll think you’re awesome. Because you’re awesome.” Aw.

I hustled up and figured out how to use Skype, and tried not to think of it as a phone. Because if you didn’t catch the intensity of that before, I’m consistently afraid and occasionally terrified to talk on the phone. But that’s for a different blog post. I made a test call with my daughter, Maggie, who was a little bewildered by all this. “And what is this about again?” she asked. I tried to explain but it came out a little scattered. I decided to wait until after the call to try to explain it to anyone else.

I didn’t have any idea what to expect.

I watched the Facebook comments to see what others were saying, and it was positive, but not tremendously insightful as to what would happen when I called her. I wrote down a whole bunch of stuff about myself on a legal pad in case she asked, and I forgot WHO I AM. Wow, do I sound crazy or what?

I’m not crazy, I’m a scanner.

What is a scanner you say? Basically a person with many interests, who likes to learn new things and who doesn’t focus on one thing in their life. I’ll talk more about me as a scanner in later posts, but in this case it matters because as a scanner, it’s sometimes hard to define WHO I AM. And I really wanted Barbara to know who I am, in a short time.

When I got on Skype with Barbara, she immediately made me feel comfortable. She’s a lovely, gracious woman who I believe really wanted to help me. Wanted to help me HELP MYSELF, I think. I hemmed and hawed a little around some things then I got to the point, that I wanted to write.

I told her how in the last couple years I’ve done some healing. How I want to help people somehow like she does. But that I was afraid.

She gave me some logistical advise, very valuable. But somehow, even though I didn’t say it, she managed to find the heart of the matter. She picked up on my fear that I was not ORIGINAL.

I didn’t even realize I was worried about this. But afterwards I kept thinking about it.

She told me that I needed to tell the absolute truth. The absolute truth, MY absolute truth, would be what guaranteed my originality.

She told me that she could tell I needed to tell my story. And I tear up thinking about it now, just like I did on the phone. She told me I needed to write for the little girl inside me.

Those words were the heart of the matter.

We went on, discussed some actionable ideas on how to get there, and our 20 minutes were past being up. She said to me, “One last thing…your voice changed, when we talked about writing for the little girl.”

“I know.” I said. Because at that moment it was the most obvious thing in the world. She’d found something that I hadn’t been able to find, but once she pointed it out to me, it was crystal clear.

I thanked her and we said our goodbyes. Everything had changed.

I look forward to sharing my story.

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